• Helen Maria Delgado: Yo es scared-o. Uh-huh.
    • Michael: Izquierdo. I know that one. Left turn it is, missus! They call me selfish.
    July 16, 2012
    • Michael: Of course. Who wouldn’t want to snog the nanny?
    • Lindsay: Snog? Is that another one of your new British-isms?
    • Michael: Did I say “snog” again? Oh, bloody hell.
    October 4, 2011
    • Lindsay: You’re one to talk. You haven’t had a serious relationship since your wife. And you guys weren’t even speaking toward the end.
    • Michael: Lot of that was the coma.
    • Lindsay: Yeah, I’ve heard your side of it.
    August 25, 2011
    • Lucille: What's a Forget-Me-Now?
    • Gob: They’re pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give ’em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It’s a mainstay of the magician’s toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether.
    • Tobias Fünke: Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie.
    • Lucille: Those are illegal!
    • Gob: Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these.
    August 22, 2011
    • Gob: I will not take this sacred duty lightly. I am going to get you the single healthiest call girl that this town has ever seen.
    • Michael: This is why I’m calling it a 'witness,' and not a 'best man.' Look, all you have to do is watch.
    • Gob: Oh, I’m not going to spend this kind of money and not watch.
    August 11, 2011
    • Franklin: My name is Judge.
    • Gob: Whose name is Judge?
    • Franklin: My name is.
    • Gob: That's a silly name.
    • Franklin: Judge, my name.
    • Gob: Yes, I am judging your name. It am silly.
    • Franklin: Is.
    • Gob: Oh, now, you're correcting my grammar.
    July 28, 2011
    • Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
    • Michael: Really? When did that start?
    • Tobias: Well, I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn’t help.
    July 26, 2011
    • Lucille: Because Buster’s your brother and I’m not going to leave him home alone with all this j-u-i-c-e around.
    • Buster: I can spell, Mom. You spelled "juice."
    • Lucille: Oh, you’re so brilliant. Let’s see you find it.
    July 25, 2011